


Just Sleep

by Anubis_and_Lethal



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Slurs, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 02:57:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14463501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anubis_and_Lethal/pseuds/Anubis_and_Lethal
Summary: Tiny is experiencing doubts about whether or not Rook truly cares for him.





	Just Sleep

Tiny took a breath, and let out a broken sob, their thoughts tormenting them, not allowing them to sleep. Another sleepless night, although this one was more hellish than the rest. Full of others lying through their teeth to him, insulting him, the works. And what was worse, they could all happen at any point in time. He was passing, but the moment anyone got a hold of him being trans, they'd surely abandon him. “Stop,” he whispers, at the horrifying images going through his head, like Rook hurting himself. God, he cared for him the most out of their friend groups, and yeah, he was bisexual, but even the LGBT community had transphobic assholes, even homophobic ones. He let out another choked sob, surely Rook would hate him.

 

“Wow,” he would say, face full of disgust before laughing cruelly. “Pathetic,” Rook would continue, before walking away, and then avoiding Tiny for the rest of his life.

 

It sucked, the thoughts going through his head, because on one side, he was broken, torn apart and never being able to be put back together, but on the other side, he wanted it. He wanted people to push him away, to hurt him, for someone to just agree with his awful views of himself. To finally destroy him to the point he would be thrown away; gone forever.

 

“Just sleep,” Tiny said quietly, tears welling up in his eyes. “You can do it. Just sleep. Sleep forever. All it takes it one movement, Tiny. Do it. Save them the hurt.” The tears spilled over, and his phone vibrated at the same time a tear hit the screen.

 

Rook - 5/29/17 12:47 AM

> hey sweetheart  <3

 

Of course, Rook would have to message him at this time. Of course, Rook never slept. Maybe he had the same troubles? Tiny couldn't imagine Rook hating himself to this extent, crying himself to sleep. More importantly, how had Rook known to message him at this time? Tiny checked his status; online. Of course. He sighed before wiping away his tears to reply.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 12:51 AM   
> It's 1am. 

 

It was short, and to the point, and even gave the possibility that Rook would tell him why he was struggling to sleep, or if he even wanted to. 

 

Rook - 5/29/17 12:52 AM

> wow ur actually awake? thought ud be sleeping

> couldnt sleep man

> what bout u

 

Tiny took awhile to think of how to reply. Should he tell the truth? Rook was his friend, then again, he didn't know him fully and could change. Maybe he found out and was waiting for the moment to be cruel. Tiny sighed, deciding to trust him.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 12:54 AM

> Bad thoughts. Can't sleep.

 

Rook didn't take time to reply, automatically becoming worried.

 

Rook - 5/29/17 12:54 AM

> shit you can vent to me, seriously its fine

> are you okay?

> obviously not

> but

> ill always listem to you, baby

> *listen

 

Tiny blushed at the affection and seeming care coming through the text messages. He really should open up to his friends. True friends wouldn't stay if they didn't accept you. It'd suck, maybe even be insulted by the entire school since Rook was popular, but he needed someone to understand. He gulped, almost wanting to cry again.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 12:56

> This might be awhile, but I think the main thing is me not feeling accepted by the group or school...not even you. I know you're flirting with me, and maybe you think it's funny, but I don't. You flirt with everyone, and I'm the only guy you flirt with, and maybe it's because you know I'm trans. There. It's out there, feel free to leave me alone. I know it’s what you want to do. 

 

The crying resumed, and God, now he was choking up. He couldn't breath, and all he could do was not look at the phone when it vibrated, and when he finally looked, his heart broke even more.

 

Rook - 5/29/17 12:57 AM

> you're trans???? 

> holy shit tiny i didnt know

> i dont care man

> and the flirting, yeah it started as a joke but tiny, i fucking swear to god i never want to hurt you

> its genuine, i swear

> and knowing your trans isnt gonna affect that

> *you’re 

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:05 AM

> tiny?? 

> tiny???

> fuck tiny you're worrying me

> tiny?

> oh my god tiny are you okay?

> tiny please come back, please im seriously worried

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:07 AM

> i swear to god im going to call an ambulance if you dont answer

> tiny i know ur depressed but please dont tell me you did what im thinking you did

> TINY 

> please tiny please fuck im sorry tiny 

> tiny please

 

Tiny took an unsteady breath and typed his response slowly. An ambulance call would be really bad right now.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 1:08 AM

> I'm fine.

 

He felt bad, honestly, but what was he supposed to say? Sorry? He needed a goddamn break.

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:08 AM

> thank god

> tiny i was really worried

> tiny we need to talk about the trans thing

> please i know you dont want to but i just need to understand a few things and i dont want to skund ignore 

> *sound

 

This was better than outward rejection at least. Rook wanted to understand. He could do that. He could explain. He could do that. Or at least he would try.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 1:09 AM

> What do you want to know?

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:09 AM

> well, you said ur trans and im kind of confused? 

> like is this a ftm, mtf, or nonbinary thing?

> like i want to make sure ive got the right pronouns and make you comfortable

 

Tiny’a breath hitched in his throat. He didn't have to completely explain something? Rook was actually educated, and it honestly made him fall even harder.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 1:11 AM

> I was assigned female at birth, so ftm. Kind of surprised that you're this educated, especially because most people don't get that some people who are nonbinary are also trans and equally a part of the community. 

> Um, he/him pronouns? The same as it has always been. It honestly feels good to get it off my back, especially since you don't care about me being trans.

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:15 AM

> no prob dude

> cant hate someone as cute as u ;))

 

Rook was going to be the death of him. Tiny blushed furiously, and buried his face in his pillow for half a second before responding.

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 1:16 AM

> Please don't. 

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:16 AM

> u dont like my flirting?

> wow </3 i am HEARTBROKEN

> or do u like it ;))

 

Short Stick - 5/29/17 1:17 AM

> Rook I'm literally madly in love with you and your flirting drives me insane, please don't flirt with me. I will cry.

 

Tiny blinked, waiting for a reply. No typing showed, and not even the read showed up. Maybe he fell asleep? Then, out of nowhere, a rock hit his window, and Tiny widened his eyes, falling out of his bed in absolute terror. Probably just an animal? Then another rock was thrown, and the panic spiraled into something even worse. And another, then a vibration from his phone; Rook finally replied.

 

Rook - 5/29/17 1:39 AM

> open up man ive been throwing rocks for ages

> let me be ur romeo

 

Short Stick- 5/29/17 1:40 AM

> I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS BREAKING IN

> I HAD A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK

 

Okay, caps was a bit too much, but it was too late for correction. And yeah, he was angry at Rook, but nonetheless opened the window and watched Rook climb a tree into his room.

 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Rook said with a lopsided smile. “Sorry about giving you a panic attack, I seriously didn't mean to. I thought you would look and see me.” Tiny glared at Rook silently. “Just wanted to visit my favorite boy.” 

 

Tiny blushed again, and looked away. “Why the hell are you here at my house?” he whispered loudly, finally glancing at Rook, who somehow managed to lie on Tiny’s bed without noise. “It's almost 2 in the morning.”

 

Rook chuckled before becoming serious, a rare trait. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was seriously worried earlier, and Tiny, I really don't lose you. Have you--,” he started, tearing up and sitting up to look at Tiny, “have you ever hurt yourself, Tiny?”

 

“Rook, I can't,” Tiny started to say, avoiding Rook’s eyes, “I can't...I can't.” He kept repeating it, like a mantra of some sort. Finally, he answered Rook’s question quietly, “...Yes.” 

 

“Where?” Rook demanded softly, holding out his hands for Tiny to take. Instead, Tiny glanced down, grabbing his belt buckle. “Tiny,” Rook said softly, covering his mouth with his hand. Tiny undid his belt slowly, and pulled off his jeans. “Oh my God.” Tears welled up in both of their eyes this time, and Rook surprisingly cried first. 

 

Across Tiny’s thighs were several words cut into them:  _ Worthless. Pathetic. Ugly. Tranny. _ There were also several normal cuts scattered across the words and around them, some very new, and some scarred over. Rook pulled Tiny into a tight hug. “Tiny, I know I can't stop you. It would be selfish of me if I told you to, but could you at least try to get better? Please?” Tiny nodded slowly. “Thank you, and you can always confide in me, I promise.” Once again Tiny nodded.

 

“Always,” he responded, because now it was true. Rook had taken on Tiny’s biggest secrets, and he didn't even hate him or look at him differently. He just wanted to be by his side for eternity.

 

Rook smiled, and kissed Tiny’s cheek before thinking about it, causing Tiny to squirm and blush, but remain sitting in Rook’s lap. “I love you, Tiny. Don't forget that.” He wouldn't. 


End file.
